If I Was at Home Right Now, My Boot Would Be Kicking Somebody's Butt

Ugh, I want this day to be over. Like now.

One of my close friends decided to be a total douchebag today.

But let me preface this by saying that I was having a perfectly wonderful day and this stupid little stunt totally ruined it.

Anyway. So I texted him and asked him how his Halloween was going. To which he replied "Lonely." So I was concerned and began asking him what was wrong. And of course he had to play the macho man and pretend that everything was fine. But I know him well enough to know that was total crap.

Then he shocked me by saying that he was just wasted space and that he was extremely depressed. And I jokingly said "Well you're not going to off yourself, are you?", totally expecting a response along the lines of "No. Of course not."

However, that wasn't what happened. Instead of the optimal answer, I got an "Eh." So I tried to make sure that he was okay because I was really worried about him and I wanted to be sure of his mental sanity. Which was totally coming into question at that point.

Then he stopped texting me back.

And when it got to the point that half an hour had passed without a single text I began to be extremely worried because he had been texting me back quite rapidly. So I set a time for myself that if he hadn't replied back by then, then I would call him. Well the time came and passed so I excused myself from the room (I was hanging out with friends and having a perfectly enjoyable time) and called him.

And of course he didn't answer. So I waited a few minutes and called again. I tried both his house phone and his cell and I couldn't reach him. At all. My entire body was shaking and I was sobbing. I had the most awful feeling in the pit of my stomach and I just felt like something was terribly terribly wrong.

So I called my mother and she said that everything would be fine and that I shouldn't worry about it because he was probably just pulling one of his stupid stunts again. I wasn't sure, but I went along with it anyway.

So I was sitting outside of my friends' dorm room, in the hall, crying my eyes out and praying that my friend would be okay. And of course people walked by and were concerned, and I had to assure them I was fine (even if my entire body was about to be ripped in half).

Finally I went back inside the room when I had collected myself enough to not make a scene and tried to be calm. My friend said I should call the police but I didn't want to do something that drastic yet. Although I was beginning to contemplate it.

Instead I resorted to sending him text messages threatening to send the Marines after him if he didn't text me back and let me know if he was alive. And all sorts of other various threats that I hoped would get his attention if he was in fact just being a douchebag and pulling an awful prank on me. I even resorted to begging. I was pretty much pleading with him to just send me something because as I put it "I am shaking and crying here. Please just let me know you're alive. I'm really scared that you're not."

And finally about an hour after I sent the last text message, he replied with "I'm not dead."

I cannot tell you just how relieved I was. There are no words appropriate enough to describe the feeling.

So then I of course asked him what in the heck he was thinking. Which of course amounted to practically nothing. Although I made him promise that he wouldn't ever do that again because it scared me so bad. And I tried to get him to call me so that I could hear his voice say that, because a) I just needed to hear his voice to know that he was semi-okay and b) well technically there is no B, I just needed to hear his voice. However, true to form, he was a stubborn little dinkus and wouldn't call me or pick up the phone when I called him.

And then the argument of him calling me snowballed into us fighting about whether or not he was worth anything. And whether or not it mattered that I believed that he was worth something.

And of course he had to be stubborn and insist that he wasn't.

Question to the male population: Why do you have to be so ridiculously stupid? How is it that you come up with crap like this? I would really like to know, because the logic of how you do eludes me.

Anyway, back to topic, he tried to say goodbye and stop talking for the evening and so when I said "Fine. Bye." of course he had to reply back "Forever". To which I told him was stupid and to shut up because I would never let that happen.

I don't know why he had to act like this, because I will never let that happen. Ever. I care about him way too much to let that even come close to happening.

Then after that he brought in a whole subject that didn't need to be brought in and used that as an arguing point. And even when I tried to disprove the stupid comments that he was making, it was no use.

And so finally he was like "Bye." And so I said "Fine. Bye. But just so you know it really hurts that you don't know if it matters that I care whether or not you die. Because it should."

Then I stopped texting him. This night has officially been the worst. How could somebody ever to that to another person? I swear if I was at home right now, he would be hearing a piece of my mind. I was so completely nervous and worried about him. I never ever want to feel like that again.

And of course when I called my mother to tell her that everything had turned out fine (because I had been talking to her about it because I needed comforting), she said "Well I told you it would, don't know why you didn't believe me."

For goodness sake, I believed her. But that was not what I needed to be told then. She is so against my friend that it's frustrating. I know that he's done some pretty crappy things to me, but that was not the time to be thinking about that. I needed my mom to be like "Good. I'm glad, are you okay though?" Not like "Well I told you so."

I know that my mom is concerned about me and how I am still friends with this guy even after he's done some really crappy stuff to me, things that have made me hurt so much and cry thousands of tears, but I just needed her to ask if I was okay. And not bring her feelings about my friend into the situation.

I was already having a hard time because I wasn't home for Halloween today, and then I have this happen, I just needed my mommy, not the drill sergeant. I've tried not talking to my friend and to not be friends with him anymore, but I felt so awful about it. I knew that it was wrong and I just couldn't do it.

I mean when I called my best friend to talk to her about it, she was genuinely concerned about how I was doing. Which I know my mom was too, but it just seemed like her feelings about my one friend influenced her handling of the situation. I just needed my mommy to make sure that I was okay because I had just gone through something really dramatic and I didn't need the whole "Don't be friends with him, you've done enough" speech.

I just want this awful day to be over. I hate this day.